What’s the difference between being a pleaser and someone who is pleasant

I just finished making a cup of tea for my father and it was a pleasure to do this. But I didn’t always have this as my intention.

So what is the difference between this act, and the me of the past?

Today I was already making a cup of coffee for myself so it was not much extra trouble to make some tea for my father, who had just arrived home. It is easy to just look after myself and walk away from the kitchen so that my father could make his own tea, should he choose however, I was already there in on the spot and, with not much extra effort, we were both happy with our beverage and it is lovely to have some act of kindness done for you. I appreciate it and it feels good to give as well.

Years ago, making my father a cup of tea had a different intention. I am the last born of six children and, a number of factors were involved in making tea for our father. He used to have two cups of tea. One had three sugars in it, which is what he preferred (it was a big cup) but to offset the sugar, he would have another cup with no sugar in it. We played a game where he had to guess which one had the sugar and which one didn’t.

While we were having fun with our father there was an intention behind it. I’m not sure about my siblings but for me, it was an opportunity to get noticed. An opportunity to be seen above the crowd. An opportunity to receive a little bit of the scarce love to be spread my way.

Pleasing is trying to attract love in order to fill a hole where self-love is missing. The act is not honorable for the pleaser or the receiver of the deed. It makes demands of the receiver. I’ve done this huge thing for you, so you must love me. You can do this by throwing accolades my way. For others it may be to receive money — this is not love but a financial transaction.

We like to think that all of our intentions are honorable however, if we look at what is behind our acts we can sometimes find that we have a motive for doing or saying the things that we do. If there is something that you are doing that doesn’t feel quite right, take a second to draw a big breath, then ask yourself “what is behind what I am doing right now”. A thought may pop into your mind and this is your sub-conscious (or soul) revealing itself to you.

This is personal growth at its finest. Allowing your soul to reveal its secrets to you so that you can live your life more honorably and integrally. You can also go to a private place with no distractions (turn your phone off and sit by yourself) and do this as a general exercise. Take a pad and pen with you so that you can write what comes to you. Just ask your soul “what would you like to say to me”.

You may also ask your soul what your Purpose for your time on Earth is. We all have a Purpose and this is a fabulous way to discover or, if you already have an idea, get clarity on what your ultimate goal in life is. It will always be something that sits well with you.

I hope you enjoy this valuable way to communicate with your soul/sub-conscious.

Cheers

Liz Jackson